After a brief sojourn in hell

After a brief sojourn in hell, I am returning to my old, recognizable self. The emotional brittleness is softening, I am laughing easily now without having to force it and able to stem the unexpected flows of tears. The mental distance is dissolving. And the anxiety attacks are waning.

Thank you. Whoever You may be.

This episode really had me worried. I can usually manage better than this. But with the husband off the grid, new job disappointment/resentment, and the stresses of managing the house on my own, I think it had a chance to blindside me. Besides, I now realize that I had been neglecting my self-prescribed psychological regimen. You know, the one that helps keep me off meds? What the hell is wrong with me?

Silver lining viewpoint: I am now in the rejuvenating phase of my mental cycle. My psyche is good enough to allow me to be receptive to positive insights/resolutions immediately after leaving my mind bruised and bloody. As if I need to be thrown into the dark occasionally in order to keep myself charged up and moving forward. I haven't has an episode in several years. Several enjoyable years. But, I can admit, not very constructive years. Not like when I was in college and cycling through these phases often. I am choosing to view the past several weeks as a gift.

I am back on track.