Love?

How do you know if you have found 'the one'?

Everyone seems to be settling down. Hell, I'm pretty settled down myself at the moment. But I still fight this itch. That maybe I am not with the one I will spend my life with. Which in itself would not be a huge deal, except that I have put the starting my life/career on hold for him. At least until he graduates in a year.

The fact that he has not asked me to marry him, to share his life with him, makes me feel incredibly stupid when I think about the choices I've recently made. So I just try not to think about it. But it's the holiday season. The season of family gatherings and all the questions that go with it. Making the self-reflection that much harder to avoid.

There is a deep love between us. But I suppose what bothers me is that there is no longer passion. Or sex, really. Without those, what do you have besides a close friendship? Without a commitment for our future, what have I got besides a fleeting relationship? And what can I do to remedy this?

And I say 'I' because I fear this is entirely a problem of my own making. I over-think things. And create the situations I am often striving to avoid. He avoids thinking about anything unpleasant as long as possible. And clams up when confronted with anything unpleasant. I simply cannot have another tear-filled conversation with him about this; my pushing for an answer he doesn't know how to give.

Or maybe I'm more ahead than I think. We have the sweet, solid love of a old married couple. I just didn't see us as the types to fast-forward through the fun part.